“Think of ten people you admire. How many of them are confident? My guess would be all of them.” – Tynan
Confidence is the sexiest quality anyone can have. Period.
I remember this one time, I was in a business meeting and I was using the Fuck word like a madman, talking about masturbation and exercise. Though the deal didn’t materialize, I am pretty sure they will remember me as the guy who spoke about masturbation.
Heck, I have been telling people that the first page of the FREE ebook starts with ‘I am an asshole’ and people tell me that they can’t want to start reading it right away!
Like you guessed, I was not always this confident. As a matter of fact, I feel very scared and insecure just like any normal person, if not more.
Growing up, I was very shy and insecure about everything I did. This one time, I was supposed to give a presentation on how cell phones work, in front of the entire class and once I was on stage, there were fifty odd pairs of eyes staring at me and like a deer caught in the headlight, I went blank.
It was one of those embarrassing moments I wish I could erase from my mind forever.
For me, confidence is a continuous journey, not a place I will reach and be confident forever. Just like happiness and any other emotion.
Over the years, I have been experimenting with different strategies that helped me build my confidence and here’s a list of my go to hacks that build my confidence on steroids.
Just like how you cannot be sad when you are smiling, you cannot feel like a loser, by standing like a superhero.
TED speaker and researcher Amy Cuddy, in her enlightening TED talk shares this experiment where they had two randomly divided groups of participants spend just 2 minutes in either a high power pose or a low power pose.
Obviously, the high power posing group felt super confident, but the surprising thing was, it was not just something they felt out of the blue, their Testosterone levels went up by 20% and their cortisol levels came down by about 25%. The group which did the low power pose had the exact opposite effect psychologically and physiologically!
Now, imagine you are the superhero you’ve always dreamt of being. How would you stand? How would you react when something happens? Bonus points if you can imitate your superhero voice.
Write down compliments:
On my way to the TV station, minutes before my interview was going to be broadcasted live to thousands of people, I was shit scared.
I kept feeling like an imposter. I mean, who was I to be on TV and talk about how I lost weight? You know how our mind starts acting like a bitch sometimes right?
My mind was trying to screw me up. So, what did I do?
I read all of the compliments I had received over the last couple of months. My mentor suggested I start documenting every compliment I receive, cuz, we are very good at remembering all the bad things that happened to us, but hardly remember any of the good things that people have to say about us.
So, I start reading all these awesome compliments I have received and there were a lot of them! Some of them were from the people I really admired and wanted to be like and boy, did that feel good?
Don’t dumb the fuck down to make other people feel comfortable:
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” – Marianne Williamson
I used to tell myself that it’s my duty to hide my strengths and make everyone around me feel comfortable, cuz you know, they would feel insecure and feel bad about themselves.
If they are feeling insecure/uncomfortable, good! Dumbing yourself down to their level is only going to make everyone mediocre and you will never feel alive.
It’s only the ones who stand out that make progress.
Every time you don’t give a fuck and stand up for what you believe in, a unicorn is born and unicorns are beautiful creatures! You don’t want to be the one who kills baby unicorns, right?
Wear what makes you feel like a boss!
Like many awesome people, I take pride in my beard too, but whenever I want to present myself, I keep feeling that its just not perfect yet and I keep worrying about someone calling me out on it.
So, I decide to shave and present my charming little smile that woos everyone around me.
If wearing a short makes you feel confident and gets the best out of you, wear a fucking short! (Note: Going to a conference wearing shorts when everyone is expected to wear formals is definitely in my bucket list. :D)
The thing about Suits:
I was always against formals, I hated them, but whenever I wear a suit/blazer, Man, do I feel important?
The thing I love about suits is, I don’t feel like doing any chutiya kaam and I feel so sophisticated, like The Godfather!
You cannot not feel important wearing a blazer!
When people see you wearing a suit, they automatically assume you are at the top of the ladder and start treating you that way. Just play along!
Hanu, my mentor said it best when I was doing my ground work to find T-shirt manufacturers:
“When do you think you are going to get a better deal? When they see you in a short and look at you as one of those kids or when they see you as someone important/accomplished who could repeat/place a bigger order?”
You are so wrong, if you thought I was not going to include this in the list.
Read this article I wrote a while ago about how Lifting weights fucking turned my life around and led me into the Fitness industry.
It is still kind of embarrassing to admit that I tore off my jersey in the finals of a basketball tournament, when everyone was watching. I was so in the moment, desperately wanting to give it my best, that I didn’t give it a second thought.