Gentlemen, Welcome to Liftin’ Bulkmont, Inc!
…And with this script in my hands, which is now your new harpoon… I’m gonna teach each and everyone of you to be Captain fucking Arnold baby! We could be the fucking 1%, the swolest of the swole mofos in town.
How Can You Get A Pass To Swole City?
You can’t buy a pass, you need to earn it! Allow the biryani god to show you how in this detailed step by step procedure.
1. Lift Often:
If you lift off three or four times a week, pump those numbers up! Those are rookie numbers in this racket. Ain’t nobody getting swole with those numbers, unless you just started going to the gym.
2. Eat by the truckload:
Most skinny folks, they just want to be swole, but nobody wants to eat like they want to be swole. The struggle is real gentlemen, but there ain’t no escaping from eating like a mad man. Double Negative!
The road to Swole city is unforgiving, like the arctic ice. Hyposwolcemia may set in, if you stop lifting.
3. Don’t stick to body part split:
Like most beginners, your muscles will recover within 2-4 days of working out. Working on a muscle group just once per week is a blatant underuse of your full potential.
Structure your workouts to train each muscle group at least twice per week. I will let this lady answer the question as to how many times should you lift:
4. Stop comparing your size to your gym buddies’ (especially in the locker room):
OK, first rule of Swole Street:
Nobody – and I don’t care if you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger or Arnold, the cartoon, nobody knows if they are bulking up, down or fucking sideways!
Once you start lifting, you will be forever small, cuz of the foreversmall syndrome. You will never be satisfied with the size of your muskles in the mirror.
Sorry, but you are doomed for life!
“We at Liftin’ Bulkmont pride on being the best to guide you through the fitness wilderness.”
Instability. Dishonesty. My Choice.
Disclaimer: Photo evidence suggests that the author doesn’t even lift! Since he’s the Biryani God, who is kinda like the Greek god, but awesomer, he is eligible to talk about getting swole.
I’m experimenting with using movies like The Wolf Of Wall Street to teach fitness concepts. Let me know how you find it.
I am also experimenting with really short articles. So, hit me up and let me know how much you liked this.
Join the Facebook group if you want to be surrounded with others who are struggling to achieve their fitness goals.
Like the Facebook page if that’s your thing. I shall start sharing stuff over there.
Till next time,